13/52 – Light and shadow
A portrait series of my children, once a week, every week, for the next year.
Anakin: We took you to Kids Arty Farty fest in the park on a Sunday. You were wide-eyed and excited. Underneath some trees was box city, a place where everyone could build their own houses and forts out of cardboard boxes. I took your hand and we went in there, just you and me. We walked around, picked up a box and some tape but in the end we were both too preoccupied with looking around to really build anything. We stopped under the biggest tree in a spot of sunshine, your eyes fell on someone behind me and you disappeared into thoughts. I looked at you and saw so much of myself standing there. The curiosity, apprehension and vulnerability all surfaced on your face. You made the perfect picture, bathing in sunlight with big shadows framing your body. That moment, like most these days, felt far too fleeting. I can’t help but feel lucky that at I least have some way of documenting these fractions that make up our lives. A small way of holding on to all the little things that make our love so big. A way to remember you as you grow and change.
Isis: I’m holding on to your infancy for dear life. I find myself burying my nose in your hair and my face in your neck all the time. I stare and stare afraid that I’ll forget. I wasn’t prepared for this. I didn’t know that my unconditional love for you would be shadowed by this sadness, this grief that you are the last. Every day I have to learn to let it go, to let my delight of your discoveries be what I carry forward. I keep you as close as I can. I need your heartbeat next to mine as much as you do. Your eyes are finding new things all the time, your face lights up at the sound of familiar voices. I see you watching your brother, beaming as he lends his attention to you. Soon you’ll find your laughter and our house will be filled with the sound of twice the joy. As I think back on my life I am grateful for every bump and every bruise because it all led to this, it led me to you.