28/52 – Sunshine after the rain

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, for the 3rd year of his life

Anakin: That smile. I just can’t go past it. 

***

I had initially chosen another photo for this week, but after some deliberation and in light of the past few days, I ended up choosing this bright smile. During moments of feeling like I’m absolutely failing at motherhood it is this smile that brings me back. That little face that just beams up at me and forgives me for letting myself momentarily slip. I get that it’s not easy being little, being 2,5 years old with big emotions and not always finding ways of expressing them. I get that it’s hard to see mamma and pappa tired and stressed, and to feel that sometimes you’re just in the way or not even properly seen in the whirlwind of the day. I get it. It’s been a tough couple of weeks.

I get that we far too often use too many words, words that are too big, and that we pick the wrong battles when all we really should be doing is listening to you as you struggle to tell us that you aren’t feeling that great either, that you need some undivided attention, that your screaming and bickering is just your way of saying “I’m here too! I’m feeling this too!” And I’m sincerely sorry for those moments when it all falls to pieces. It haunts me and I struggle to remind myself that my failures are so small in the bigger picture.

This too shall pass, my love. Tomorrow is a new day. Sunshine after the rain.

I love you always. xx Mamma

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