I see you – A near perfect day
I was going to write a post about how Anakin is discovering his own will, that he wants things a certain way and what sort of battles that brings with it, but then something happened yesterday. We had one of those near perfect days. We were just on the same wavelength. And I was left with a bit of perspective that made me reconsider. Why focus on what’s difficult when you can relish in what’s really good?
I guess it started the night before. Anakin has hit the 18 month sleep regression, or so it would seem. He’s restless and struggling at night. His emotions run high during daytime, and his understanding and vocabulary is exploding. I had just gone to bed when he woke up. As I realised I wasn’t going to be able to settle him back in his own bed and I felt myself starting to get annoyed, I stopped for a moment. This was nothing to get annoyed about. Where would I rather he sleep? With me. What would I rather be doing? Making sure he felt safe and was ok. I put him in bed with me and we were on and off all night.
After Anakin has his morning feed I get to go back to sleep for a while. It’s usually the best sleep I have because I know he’s taken care of by his pappa. But that morning I kept waking up to the sound of his crying. I knew they weren’t having a good one and that Anakin was off after the night he had. I came downstairs just before my usual time, gave Anakin a feed (he’s now demanding boobie has soon as he sees me) and took him back upstairs to his room to put him down for his nap. I kept thinking “I’ve heard you. I feel you. Don’t worry, I see you.” He fell asleep in my arms as he always does and I went back downstairs after putting him in his bed.
When he woke from his nap it was like he had reset. We were just in tune. I did some work on one of my trolls for a shoot coming up while he did some finger painting. It didn’t last very long, but we both enjoyed it.
I told him we had to go take a bath which made him happy and excited. His hair was full of paint and it needed a wash. Anakin hates washing his hair. He’s terrified of getting water in his face without being able to control any of it. I can relate, I was the exact same way. I put him in the bath tub and quickly showered myself. I then picked him up and washed his hair without any issue. If he’s in my arms and we make a game of it, everything is ok. By that stage the bath was pretty full so we sat down for bit. I laid back and Anakin laid down on top of me. He was calmer than I’d seen him in a long time. He was so serene. He fed for a bit, cuddled and just laid there like he did when he was a newborn. He sang me a few songs and stroked my hair. His singing kills me, I can’t think of anything sweeter than his little voice singing to me. I thought “I wish we could capture this very moment”.
As we were getting dressed I started to talk to him about what our plans were for the rest of the day. Inside I was starting to dread the fight that would come when we got to the point of leaving the house. I told him we were going out, that he needed to sit in his pram and that we were going to see some trains and go to a shop. We shared a snack while I kept preparing him for what was coming. Anakin hates getting in his pram. It’s a battle where I physically need to force him in. To him pram equals nap and nap equals something he doesn’t want, despite always calming down and falling asleep.
I dressed him and picked him up. He was still eating his snack and happily sat down in the pram without so much as a whinge. I thought “wow, this won’t last. Here comes the blanket fight”. I put his blanket over him and got the rest ready. He just sat there babbling, happy as larry. I praised him and kept talking about what we were doing. We left, saw a couple of trains and went to the shop. Then is was time for the afternoon nap. “Here goes. Here comes the end to this near perfect day.” I pulled his blankets up and told him it was time for a sleep now, gave him a kiss and laid him down. He yawned and looked at me. No tears, not tantrum. After walking for a while he fell asleep where he usually does, half way through the park.
Today wasn’t quite the same, but it didn’t have to be. It was close enough. I always see my son, but yesterday I made sure I saw him, all day, not just for moments here and there. I saw things from his perspective, took the extra time to tell him what was going on and to just be with him. We read every book in his book shelf, we played all his favourite games and spent the day in love instead of in a rush.
There will be more days like that. And I’ll do my best to remember that when things get rough.
Lou Reed’s Perfect day (with some random slideshow)