I am starting to sense my ship sinking. I don’t know what possessed me to think that 100% stay at home mum + 100% postgrad student would amount to anything other than imminent failure. I just don’t have 200% time, in fact I don’t have 200% anything as percentage only goes to 100.
It hasn’t been the easiest of starts. We have had visitors for 6 weeks now, and as much as I have enjoyed that, it has made it hard to focus on getting work done. And let’s not ignore the fact that after a year off, it’s damn hard to get back on the horse, let alone remember what I already have done, read and so on. My entire pre-maternity leave research catalogue is stuck on a machine I can’t start. Great thinking letting that happen, right?
Giving up is not an option, but I am struggling to understand how the 1+ hour of nap time every day will amount to much unless I start dedicating all night every night to study. Then the question becomes how far away is that big wall I’ll smash my face into, what speed will I be traveling at when I reach it and how long will my journey there take.
Don’t get me wrong, I’ll manage to get my visual work sorted, but the amount of research I need to do to write my thesis, and the even bigger amount needed for upgrading to a phd is terrifying. Actually, it’s worse than terrifying, but I can’t think of a word to describe the sense of horrific doom it fills me with.
There, I’ve had a whinge about it. Now excuse me while I have a short panic attack before continuing my search for fellow artists working within similar conceptual framework as myself before my son wakes up from his nap and claims the rest of my day.