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Light. Love. Him.

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8/52- The best sleep

A portrait series of my children, once a week, every week, for the next year. 

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Anakin: Look at you. You’ve grown so tall over the summer. Probably even more so in my eyes. I have to admit I have days where I miss you so much. You’re right here with me but I miss you. I still try my best to let bedtime be all ours, just yours and mine. We sing and we cuddle in the dark. You want me to lie in your arms, you hold me tight and breathe into my hair. It makes me feel so strange to have you comfort me like that, and I wonder for how much longer I’ll be blessed with being wanted so close. Our bed is my favourite place in the house because we all share it. It’s always messy, always full of pillows, blankets, books and toys, but it speaks of love. It speaks of family. And it tells the story of how the best place to be is together and the best sleep is found next to the ones you love. I hope you’ll want to sleep there for a long time yet. 

*** 

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Isis: Sweet little baby yawns. I’d forgotten how much life revolves around sleep when you’re so little. Your sleep, my sleep, or lack there of. You’re still just a newborn, you still just want to be held. For every sleep. My arms are sore and my back aches, but I still hold you. Time passes so quickly when you watch someone grow. Every day comes with a new adventure and hopefully brings us a little closer to more rest. 

I never seem to learn how to rest. Or to ask for help.

***

7/52- Let me hold on to you

A portrait series of my children, once a week, every week, for the next year. 

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Anakin: You have the sweetest nature, the gentlest soul. I see how hard you battle sometimes with jealously and hurt, but you never linger on the bad for too long. It’s been a strange time for us all. So much has happened the past few months, so many emotions still to process. I’ve cried for you more than once. Cried because my arms aren’t long enough, my lap isn’t big enough to keep you both as close as you need at the same time. I’ve cried because I’ve been too tired to give you my all, cried because for three years it was just you and me and I had all the time in the world just for you. I’ve cried because you’re still too young to understand that my love for you has grown nothing but bigger and stronger since your baby sister arrived. And I’ve cried because sometimes not being able to do everything for you kills me.

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***

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Isis: I’ve lost track of time since you arrived. Every week is significant because you’re a week older, yet every week flies by in a blur. I so desperately want to hold on to every second before I blink and you’re no longer a newborn. As much as I love this time I am also grieving. Grieving because we will never have this time again, because every first with you is also a last. My last pregnancy (most likely), my last birth, a last first meeting. There are days I just want to sit and stare at you all day, run my fingers across your face, tracing everything before it’s gone, before it slips away and turns into something new.

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***

6/52 – Him and Her

A portrait of my children, once a week, every week, for his fourth year and her first. 

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Anakin: I remember hearing your voice in the hallway of the hospital the morning your sister was born. It was full of a special kind of excitement. Today was the day you finally got to meet the mysterious little person that had been growing in my belly for the past nine months. The very same person we’d talked to, sung to and dreamed about. As you entered the room my heart jumped and took me by surprise. How much you’d grown in just a couple of hours. You eagerly climbed into bed asking to hold her. I was shaken by how much I’d missed you in just a few hours, how much my love had grown and how desperately I wanted to hold you close. I picked her up and placed her on your lap. You gently kissed her face and gave her a cuddle. Your hands gentle and your face so full of love and wonder. 

***

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Isis Indigo: My darling beautiful girl. My daughter.  You took us by surprise both at conception and delivery. Your screams are as loud as your nature is soft. I spent the whole night you were born just gazing at your squishy, little sleeping face so in awe of you. I felt my heart expand to make room for the love that exploded within me. From the moment I laid my hands on you, your soft body still warm from being inside me, I knew that nothing would ever be the same. Life as I knew it, love as I knew it, had just grown bigger and more powerful than I could have possibly ever imagined.  I held you close and took in that sweet, brand new scent in deep breaths cherishing the hours of darkness still left. Those early hours that were just yours and mine, before the world woke up and before our family reunited for the first meeting as a foursome. 

***

For all the squishy baby spam, find us on Instagram @didajenta

SHE

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Thursday January 22, 38 weeks +6 days. She was still swimming on the inside.

***

Sunday January 25, 39 weeks+2 days. She came rushing out at 00.45 am and we fell head over heels in love again.

Meet our baby girl, Isis Indigo.

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1 day old, having her first sleep in the hammock.

***

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4 days old. She’s a peach. She’s absolutely perfect in every way.

***

We’re still finding our feet as a foursome and I’ve still got some healing to do, but life is good. I’m still processing the events that brought our baby girl into the world but once I do I will write her birth story and share some photos. In the mean time we’ll be busy enjoying our new family and easing our way into this new life. Posting will still be erratic for a little while as we’re still navigating our way through the early days. My heart is still expanding, my head is still trying to catch up. All I know is that right now I couldn’t possibly be happier. Unless I had a really long sleep.

5/52 – Even monsters brush their teeth

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, for the fourth year of his life. 

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Anakin: I was going through and re-organising my various costumes one night (as one does when one is massively pregnant) and came across this mask.  I remembered taking a photo of you with it on your head when you were a baby and took it into the bathroom to show you. You had just finished your bedtime bath. As soon as you saw the mask you wanted to wear it while brushing your teeth. You admired yourself in the mirror and we all had a good giggle at just how creepy it looked. 

Little did we know that hours later we’d be welcoming someone else into our family… 

4/52 – Tivoli

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, for the fourth year of his life. 

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Anakin: I remember the thrill of going to the amusement park when I was little. (Who am I kidding, it still thrills me.) The smell of popcorn, the sights, the sounds, that feeling you get in your tummy when you’re on a fast ride. Eagerly awaiting to grow just that little bit taller to be able to go on the next one. We’ve taken you a few times now and you have that same look on your face. You go on the same rides every time and love it just the same, every time. This is just the beginning, my love. 

3/52 – Summer delight

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, for the fourth year of his life. 

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Anakin: Such incredible joy from such a simple thing as running naked through the sprinklers on a hot afternoon. You were a bit hesitant at first before throwing yourself head first into the cooling fun. Your grandma and grandpa sat on the porch mesmerised by your delight and laughter. None of us needed anything more than the simple pleasure of watching you. 

2/52 – Childhood memories

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, for the fourth year of his life.

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Anakin: There’s something so quintessential about taking a bath in the sink when you’re a kid and you’re on holiday, and having a photo of it. These are your future childhood memories, keepsakes we’ll treasure long after your hands have grown big and your skin starts showing the map of your life. 

***

I’m weeks behind in posting these, but I aim to start playing catch up asap. It’s been kind of nice to not spend any time by the laptop for a few weeks. Unplugging feels liberating and has made me keep my focus where it’s been needed. But I’ll be easing back into it now, with some pretty big (or little news) to share.

xx Dida

1/52 – New beginnings

A portrait of my son, once a week, every week, for the 4th year of his life. 

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Anakin: Delightful and three. You’re a ray of sunshine, you really are. You’ve been spreading your love and joy to everyone we’ve been around over the last couple of months, never holding back and always thrilled to see them. I keep falling head over heels in love with you. I can’t believe how lucky I am to get to be your mother, to be the one you snuggle up to at night and the one to wake up next to you each morning. You grow funnier and more fascinating by the day. I couldn’t be prouder of how you’ve navigated the recent weeks. 

***

I’ve had a bit of a laptop break over the past weeks and it’s been fantastic hence not getting to any wedding post of yet. But I’ve finally decided to kick off the 52 project right where the other one left off which means I’m still a week behind in posting. Rather than follow the calendar year I follow Anakin’s year which starts the week of the 23rd of December. When his baby sister is born I’ll most likely just add her to where we are instead of trying to juggle two different projects with different weeks. Looking back over last years 52 project I know it’s something I’ll definitely want to continue. It’s more manageable than the 365 was and priceless in terms of documenting a year in a life. If you’re thinking about doing something similar I’d say jump on the wagon! You won’t regret it. Document your own year, your dog’s, your partner’s, your food, whatever. It’s worth it. I’m looking into having mine printed as a book, but these days my brain is a little busy with trying to focus on the new baby due to arrive very soon. I still can’t get my head quite around it, but I can’t wait to meet her.

I hope you’ve had a fantastic festive season and a happy  new year so far!

xx Dida

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